January 2010
42 posts
sound advice!
Always be aware of the status of oyster crackers in your soup. Vigilance is key. Never let them sink to the bottom; they’ll never be the same again.
utopia! the musical
In an ideal world, people would choose their professions based on the things they really liked doing when they were kids. This doesn’t necessarily mean that little girls who took ballet will end up as ballerinas, and little boys who made rockets out of their Legos will become astronauts and eat freeze-dried food. It’s more about the physical acts themselves.
For example, kids who...
honestly?
Overhead at Uncommon Grounds: “Do you guys want to blaze before yoga tomorrow?”
things i like to include in stories right now
track jackets, shopping malls, Chicken McNuggets, houses with creaky wooden floors, girls who have nice boobs, the verb “to wonder”, cities that seem like large metropolises but are never named, spooning, tardive dyskinesia, bagels, Hollister stores.
AAAAIIIIEEE
Right now the wind is blowing so hard that, on the tenth floor, it sounds like a combination of whistling tea kettles, screaming banshees, planes speeding up on the runway, and Ringwraiths when they get upset.
1 tag
the year of Glad
I don’t casually use the noun obsession or the verb to obsess. It seems really tweeny and Seventeen magazine-y. The fact that a person can be obsessed with, I don’t know, squirrel-colored Uggs or Clorox wipes makes the idea of an obsession seem silly.
Oh, but I’m obsessed with David Foster Wallace. He is ABSOLUTELY on my...
unst unst
The German word for crossword puzzle is Kreuzworträtzel; pronounced KROYTS-VORT-RATE-ZEL.
four on the floor
Does each step of general schooling have a distinct purpose? Let’s say elementary school is meant for learning basic life skills, like 4 X 8 is 32 and how to tell time and don’t hit people unless it’s a special situation. Middle school is probably about preparing for a lifetime supply of people who are rude to you. High school is for developing anti-boredom techniques, and for...
the trouble with hair is it always tries to teach...
I am not a person who puts effort into my hair. I wash it and condition it, then rub it semi-vigorously with a towel and let it be. Recently I found a delicious-smelling bottle of 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, so now the routine is even lazier. I don’t use hot metal things or hot-air-blowing things on my hair. It just doesn’t work out so well. In seventh grade my mother somehow...
@#$&!
Working in various jobs of the service sector (makin’ sandwiches, waitin’ tables, givin’ college tours, now workin’ at a office) has really showed me how incapable some people are of receiving assistance. A service position exists to make people happy; waitressing allows me to feed people delicious eats and MAYBE even provide friendly banter.
Why, then, do so many people...
Don Draper get at me
I have an idea pertaining to advertising. It would be a Starbucks print ad campaign, with either photographs or “artsy” illustrations of people skipping, jumping for joy, hugging their dogs, making out with their boyfriends - all holding those white paper coffee cups - with the slogan “Life is Grande.”
fruit & nut
When I went back to school last semester, I bought a gigantic carton of Nature Valley granola bars, thinking that was going to be the only room-food I’d need for the year. Turns out that variety is a much better move for snackage. Like MF Doom says, the villain ain’t rhyming off bread alone, and the Molly ain’t snacking on granola bars alone. I ended up buying various forms of...
i'm back at school
‘Sup.
things that are not things
If I sell my clothes, make some money, and use the money to buy beer, I haven’t technically sold my clothes for beer.
A steak knife isn’t a bread knife for a reason.
Being prepared is different from being motivated. They aren’t mutually exclusive, but Boy Scouts are prepared to be Boy Scouts, not motivated. Motivation doesn’t start a fire in the middle of the woods.
are you there, Jah, it's me molly
Inevitably when someone is asked to name their favorite music - whole genres, songs, artists, whatever - they will say something along the lines of, “Oh, I really like everything, EXCEPT country” and then make some sort of eating-rotten-food face. It’s the perfect answer for people who want to express both their supposed musical open-mindedness and their discriminating taste. ...
the best things about the golden globes
Robert Downey Jr.’s speech, Meryl Streep wishing her name was T-Bone, actresses with freaky plastic surgery, Quentin Tarantino in general, Arnold Schwarzenegger pronouncing Avatar as “Avadahh”
ohhhh yes i know
I went to the Governor’s Institute on the Arts the summer before junior year of high school. It was a decent combination of hippy-dippy artsy shit (African songs in morning chorus, a Surrealism-themed dance party) and learning how to live on your own, college-style. We did our own laundry. I had a roommate and was worried that we might not like each other, until I met her and realized we...
some short letters
Dear Ruby,
Thanks for the chat and the cheddar cheese. ’Twas chill.
Love, Molly
Dear Res-Life Office,
Thanks for giving me those hours. I like money and generally think it’s a good thing to have.
Love, Molly
Dear Molly,
Thanks for procrastinating. That story isn’t going to write itself.
Love, Molly
Rolling Stone: Excerpt from Patti Smith's memoir... →
jamais/déjà
Never have I ever: eaten Beef Wellington, taken Xanax, waterskied, done Bikram yoga, used Vicks VapoRub, worn a lab coat, drank vodka accidentally.
nü-york
Allison and I are in the car. Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” comes on. I mention how the song came out just as my friend started college in NYC. Allison says that at Syracuse, all the frats played the song and identified thoroughly with it.
“I don’t know if Syracuse, NY is the same thing as New York, NY,” I say.
“Yeah, well, all the meatheads at my...
the least interesting blog post of all time
Some people are “font people.” They will usually tell you so. These are people for whom Times New Roman will suffice only for the most staid of academic essays. A semester ago, Skidmore screened a film called Helvetica that was supposed to be fascinating; besides the students who were required by various classes to attend, I assume the majority of the viewers of Helvetica were...
i watched this movie last night, it was too great
44 of the most amazing jams and collaborations
What’s your favorite Beatle? I never really know what to say when asked this. I usually say Ringo. Then I sort of regret saying Ringo.
I used to think the Beatles had two separate lineups. I thought the early 60s Beatles, with the moptops, were one group, and the freaky long-haired LSD Beatles were another group. [I just typed “LDS” instead of “LSD.” Latter-Day...
1 tag
tao lin
I think blogging about Tao Lin is mostly a good idea. Kind of seems like dialing a random number and ending up reaching the moon phone. You know, the phone they have up on the moon. Right?
the man's name is dabrickashaw
Busing tables is great sometimes, in comparison to hosting or serving. Most people don’t talk to me, and they don’t ask me for things like more Tabasco sauce or coffee. I can stand in my designated nook and wait for people to haul ass. I also have the luxury of witnessing rudeness and not feeling directly offended - indirect offensiveness is much easier to digest.
Every time I go...
three half-finished books that are haunting me
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
Martin the Warrior, one of those Redwall medieval rodent books
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay because every time I take it out of the library, they call a week later saying someone has reserved it, and I slap my forehead and say Curses, Foiled Again.
facts of the day
Tomorrow I depart for Ontario with G-Money, S-Club, and The Box. I’m really fucking excited to go to Tim Horton’s for the first time, because I want to see if Canada takes coffee seriously. I’m also excited for Molson, Labatt Bleu, and maybe wearing a onesie with tights.
I’ve been experimenting with sandwiches whilst home for break. It’s nice to have a fridge...
maintenant, je meure
Watching a movie is a tough job. You try to pay attention to the plot, the English teacher getting carried away reading Romeo and Juliet, etc. etc. but it is waywayway too difficult whenever Anna Karina is onscreen. She is too cute to be in the movies. That doesn’t make any sense — but it does.
wave of babies
In Infinite Jest, Vermont is no longer a state; it’s part of the Great Concavity, a patch of land designated for trash and radioactive waste. There are huge cannons in Boston that send skull-and-crossboned barrels of shit flying through the air into what used to be known as the 802. Also, there are packs of enormous feral hamsters that will tear you to pieces if you are carrying anything...
willgood
There’s a shiny new Goodwill in Burlington. I went yesterday with Sarah. It’s a veritable wonderland of “slightly irregular” Hanes granny undies, 2-dollar knee socks, and various dusty Discmans (Discmen?) from the 90s. The book section was the best. Sarah got some creepy-looking collection of witch stories, and I got a Willa Cather bookski for my reading pleasure. I...
it's really kind of an intellectual trump card
Today I was in da coffee shop (not in da club sadly) and when I’m in eating/drinking places, I generally check out the clientele for demographix, a.k.a. to see what kindz o’ people are exactly in da coffee shop…or da club.
At the diner it sort of rotates, but the top three types are hungover college student, half-drunk homeless person with mythical aura, or parent at the end of...
a plea
Dear Hipster Boy ‘n’ Girl sitting in the booth long past closing time:
I see you. You’re both wearing eyeglasses that are way too large for your face. You probably don’t even NEED those glasses. We closed a half an hour ago. You’re still there, twirling your matching hair and picking at your hipster food. It would be super, super great if you could pack that...
car ride home
Me: What is your favorite crime scene phrase? Mine is "vehicular manslaughter."
Allison: I like "blunt force trauma."
Kelly: [after a few minutes] Probably "death by asphyxiation."
jenny...from the block
Really honest and truly, did one of the last things I saw in the decade (2000-2009) have to be Jennifer Lopez (J to tha L-O) in a shiny, shimmery, Band-Aid colored Lady Gaga ripoff unitard? Gyrating? GYRATING???