molly mary o'brien

hello, this is a hamburger recommendation

Kuma’s Corner* in Chicago.  All of the burgers are named after metal bands.  Metal plays in the background all the time at a volume that makes the rumbling guitars and bass sound vaguely digestive.  Metal music is the perfect eating music.  Speed metal is the best because you can eat to the beat.

I ordered the Mastodon: BBQ sauce, cheddar, bacon and frizzled onions.  The pretzel bun prevents it from falling apart in a saucy, disintegrated mess; furthermore, I believe the beefy combo of bacon and BBQ makes it truly the most metal burger on the market.

*The Kuma’s Corner website says they are closed for the “Norse New Year.”  So metal.